Resolutions Done Right

Today is the last day of 2007. I bet you think I am getting ready to party up tonight. Think again. I am at work (of course) until 5 (because who would push the pencils if I didn't show up?).

Then I am heading home, making a pot of chili because it is butt-cold today, playing some Wii, drinking some beer, watching the ball drop, kissing my fiance and going to bed. We couldn't even find any friends that didn't already have plans to come over. Losers.

But I digress...

The real reason I am posting today is because it is that time of year to make the all important and all dreaded new years resolution. Gag.

I do have to make the standard I will lose 15 lbs by April resolution, but only because I have to get my fat ass in a wedding dress by the 19th. Double Gag.

Other than that, my resolution is not to better myself in any way, because I am pretty happy with me, and the man I love is happy with me, so screw the rest of them. I resolve to better my ENVIRONMENT. No, I am not buying an electric car and installing solar panels (as you have to be rich to do those kinds of things).

I plan on ridding myself of all things that cause me stress which then leads to me having pimples and cold sores...and this is not acceptable.

First, I am campaigning for a raise. I am tired of being charge the $31 overdraft fee that my bank feels the need to charge me 50 times a month (don't they know I am good for it?). Rumor has it we are all getting reviewed in January this year, so I am getting my arsenal prepared consisting of all the reasons that I rock and deserve to make an above the poverty level salary. This one also has subresolutions like getting out of debt, refinancing the house, etc.

Second, I am determined to find a cleaner that actually works on my 100 year old (not lying...I have a really old house) hardwood floors. I am sick of them looking 100 years old. I know they have more potential than that. I blame the dogs for the all the time dingy look.

Third, I am resolving to get a new bedroom suit. I will kill Josh if we continue to sleep in the full size bed that I have had since I was in 5th grade. Not kidding...all 130lbs of him takes up 3/4 of it. This might be ok if I weighed 130lbs, but that hasn't happened since 9th grade and I am not holding my breath that it will any time soon (I love chocolate too much).

Thats it. I don't think I am overshooting. These are definitely feasible. I am resolving to be optimistic about them (damn it...thats another resolution to keep up with).

So, happy new years to all! 2008 is sure to be great...and yes, that was my best Dr. Seuss impression.

Graduation Contemplation

Its been an interesting day. I went to my best friend's college graduation. It is extremely hard for me to believe that I have been out for 2 years now. So much has happened since then. I got a real job (no more retail....WOOHOO....no more overtime....BOOOO!), bought a house (hence me being broke....but being out of my parent's house is priceless), got engaged (GULP!), got 2 more dogs (besides the 1 I already had), got a cat (despite the fiance's objections....I know he loves him deep down).

It has just been one of those days that makes me wonder where I will be in another 2 years. Will I have a kid? (Double GULP!) Will I have another job? Will I be making more money? (I hope so, because my only other choice is living in a cardboard box.) Will I finally be able to beat my fiance (who will then be my husband) at Wii Tennis? (Doubtful).

Ok...snapping out of it...and back to trying to learn how to use Photoshop Elements before my free trial runs out.

A Math Equasion I Didn't Learn in School

Friday Night + 4 glasses of Chardonnay + 2 Michelob Ultras + 7 (that I remember) Coors Lights + 1 Redneck Bowling Alley + 2 Cigarettes (keep in mind I have never smoked before in my life...I know...I'm a prude) + 2 Songs Karaoked (Thunder Rolls & Wild Nights...I've been told...) = Puking from 8am to Noon and sleeping 'til 4pm on Saturday.

Also know as "I'm a Total Idiot's Theorem".

In other news,

Today is the 1 year anniversary of us receiving our Christmas bonuses. They have not made the announcement for us to come to the conference room for a "short staff meeting" yet and it is 4:06pm. So apparently I did not have a reason to get out of bed after all.

Also, I have a buddy who was selected to be on the Christmas party planning committee and she keeps me in the loop. The partners just let them know that our company is too big now to have free booze at company functions as we are too much of a liability. Lord knows they don't pay me enough for me to go to the cash bar at our "family style" dinner being held at the brewery across the street from our office. Dang the coworkers that drove off drunk at our last work sponsored soiree! I am lucky to have a fiance that cares enough to come pick my drunk ass up. He would have given them a ride too! Jeez!

I wonder how much weight I would lose if I stopped drinking. I do, after all, have a dress I have to squeeze into come April...

Ho Ho Dough

In light of my new financial situation (or lack thereof) I have been trying to come up with creative ways to fulfill my Christmas gift list. In other words, I have been trying to get something for nothing for all my friends and family (well, unless they were lucky enough for me to buy their gift before American Express cut me off).

Where, you might ask, can you go to get something for nothing (or very, VERY little)? Goodwill? Heavens no. Dollar General? Good gracious, do I look like a cheapskate? (Don't answer that). Dumpster out back? No need to be a smartass.

The answer to all of my yuletide gift-giving woe can be summed up in 4 little letters: EBAY.

Let me know what you think.

For Dad:

What every golfer needs...Monkey Head Golf Club Covers...for a steal at only $.99!

For Mom:
The 'Pocket Mom' that says such phrases as "THE ANSWER IS NO!" "STOP IT!" "YOU'RE GOING TO POKE SOMEONE'S EYE OUT WITH THAT THING!" etc. Payback's a bitch...and a bargain at $1.99!

For Uncle Sam (yes, I actually have an Uncle Sam):

3 cans of Super Fart Spray. Uncle Sam is the practical joker of the family. I would love to see him spray this at Christmas dinner. So says the Ebay ad "You are bidding on 3, thats right, you get 3 Super Odorific Fart Spray In a Can! Spray Near Your Friends and Watch the Fun! Hilarious for Practical Jokers! Produces a Lingering Very Unpleasant Smell!" I'd say thats a steal at $.99 for all 3 cans. (And I think I am in love with the word 'odorific').

Last but not least...

For my fiance:
Stud undies! An ego boost for only $4.99? Not a bad deal if you ask me!

Focus THIS!

I swore to myself that this blog would not become all about me whining about work (but I guess I should have named it something else...The Fabulous Life of Me would be nice...but untrue), but after today I cannot help but post a few observations about my current employment situation.

So I get a meeting request on Monday from the girl who runs our focus groups. She says that I have been chosen to participate in a focus group that deals with how we view our jobs, our morale, etc.

Well the big focus group was today. Someone from each of the 6 departments has been chosen to join in. We were told that our responses to the questions would be written down anonymously and then would be presented the president, partners & managers of our company. Uh-huh.

So we get the obligatory 'What do you like about working here?' question. Everyone chimes in all at once: "Insurance!" "Paid holidays!" "Gym membership!" "Free parking!" Ok people...who doesn't like benefits?

But then she started in on the 'What don't you like about...' questions. Please tell me why everyone else got all 'Well I don't blame them for doing it this way or that way' etc. They might as well have flashed their I Heart My Job tattoos.

Then there is Negative Nelly sitting there (i.e. me) who was being HONEST. I don't like the way that my manager manages, and I let them know. I don't like the way our yearly reviews are held, and I let them know. I don't like the way that we are spread too thin, and I let them know. I don't like the way that my personal time off is invaded with pointless phone calls from my supervisor, and I let them know.

My conclusion from this meeting: everyone else in there HAS to make way more money than me. I would be a helluva lot happier to do my job if I were doing it for at least $10k more a year.



P.S. I swear to get around to being much more inspiring and thought-provoking sometime in the near future. I just need to get out of my job-related funk.

My Big Huge Spectacular Glorious First Blog

I know...the title builds you up A LOT. I hope that I can deliver...

Well I have decided to enter into the anonymous world of blogging. Anonymous being a big part of it as I have heard horror stories of people getting fired, dumped, bankrupted, etc. from the stuff that they post in their blogs. I hope to avoid the first of those 2 things (as I am on the verge of bankruptcy despite have a job and a fiance...and I know the fiance isn't going anywhere), unless someone decides to start paying me to write this blog which I would welcome with loving arms. So until that glorious day comes, I am going to remain in the shadows and speak my mind fully.

So this is my little corner of the internet where I plan to spill my guts on hopefully a regular basis. I plan on divulging on my personal life, what I am doing, boring shit, exciting shit, movies I've seen, places I go, people I meet, etcetera etcetera etcetera (who really types out etcetera? I'm such a geek.)

As you probably gathered from the title of my blog, I am a peon at a company in a fairly large city. I have been here for 2 years sitting in my cube. Well, technically, it's only half a cube, which makes it that much sadder. I was one of the last people hired to actually get a cube (1/2 cube) but I guess it is better than sitting in the middle of the hallways with the interns. Perish the thought. So for now I guess I am content (HA!) with my 2 cube walls, desk with no drawers, and filing cabinet. At least I have the Internet...

My basic title here (but they were nice enough to not put this on my business cards) is Pencil Pusher. Triple P. Pencil Pusher Peon. It's a GLORIOUS stage of my professional life! (I also seriously need to stop saying 'glorious' so much.) I am responsible for millions of dollars of client's money on a monthly basis...if only they could see my bank account. (Well maybe I should show them my bank account...they might take pity and give me a small handout of that millions of dollars...)

All of this incredibly valuable information led me to start this blog. I, like many bloggers, am an aspiring writer. Actually I am an aspiring anything-but-this. I don't care what it is. I would love to do anything the gives me a creative outlet...and possibly let me sleep later than 6am. Or even work from home! (Ooo I like that thought!) My dogs would really appreciate that...

So that's it for now...my grand intro. I must get back to pushing my pencils, otherwise the world will explode. Next time I will try to be a little more insightful, informative, and all around more interesting.

Chow!